Some Human History
My (human’s) actual course in miracles
Once you begin to realize the clockwork like nature of the intricacies of your particular course in miracles, you begin to see that your whole history is involved in the movement/learning/growth.
Notable life situations
Realize the state of Samvega (Google it)
Mother died year previous and struck me that the next day after her death the world kept turning as if nothing happened. All victories and defeats within that lifetime disappeared. The were objectively nothing.
Due to the depth of realization, I very easily determined there is no point to pursuing human life. All things range as perceptual highs and lows. One could say all a personal “success” is is an upset waiting to happen. Things I was proud of were just weak points that could upset me if taken away.
I made an app idea called “Fuck-it List”, things to do once you decide “fuck it.”
I haven’t made the app yet, but I did write a list.
Grand Canyon, India, skydiving, rocky mountains
It was at this point a thought struck me… “I’ve never given God a chance”
I had been put off by modern displays of godliness. The way I was taught wasn’t right for me.
At that point in my life, I had been strongly considering the US military. It was a simple switch of “enlisting” with a Divine Service. I did some formal informal ritual of burning my name on a piece of paper. And said “you have four years with this head, these hands and feet. After that I’m back to the fuck it list. (God is literally the last place you look. Both because faithless ness and you find what you want there)
Life evens out.
Great job, low pay. Listen to Eckhart’s New Earth all day at work.
Get ACIM, start WinCo and start Viking at ~same time. Work, no time for mind, very busy.
Get corporate job.
Miracle job. 100% to spec to what I wanted. Over the course of 2 years and 3 pay raises, my salary increased 66%. I left Austin’s tech scene at 101K and a 110K offer on the table. Go figure.
(See black truck miracle below 👇) Insanely ideal Denver apartment. I moved in first year built, sky line, walk to downtown, across from a college campus. Perfect. It was at this location I first experienced a taste of perfect perfection. It was at this location I experienced the view outside of perception. At this location I realized my first physically perceptible miracle.
After experiences, I began ACIM Workbook. As I went through the workbook, the lesson made sense, and I continued to have moving mental experiences with the forgiveness exercise practice. Eventually I realized maybe what it was saying is true, and the difference of belief necessary was actually believing it. So I started believing it, and here we are.
It’s easier to understand if you at least pseudo-believe it. “IF this is true…” Thought experiments. The logical extent of the teachings are comforting in that they give meaning to meaninglessness, and they replace our perceived weakness with infinite power. If we believe.
Where I am currently:
I’ll tell this story when it comes full circle. If it is full circle, then I am in Real World right now. Real World is fine!
(Edit (months later): Real world is indeed fine. Atonement accomplished. Truly perfected perception 100%…eh.. even Naz had his moments. In time I am learning more and am more “forgiving” each day. I can also see “outside of time”, so the question is moot. But time is still apparent as well most time. There is also Now, and I remember that even when I am seeing time.)
Notable Consumption (in order):
- The other side of the hedge
- Zeitgeist movie
- Millionaire Fastlane
- Meditations (4 chapters)
- A New Earth
- Eckhart Tolle
- Krishnamurta // Yogananda
- Winter Solider movie
- The Gospel of NT
- Tao te Ching
- Bhaghavad Gita
- A Course in Miracles Text
Notable miracles in order (pre-ACIM understanding):
These all occurred before I had an understanding of ACIM.
ACIM’s workbook in particular brought the practice I used to be able to look back on these event and retrospect that they were “miraculous” by ACIM’s definition. I note when I get the ACIM text and when I finish and restart it.
By no means is this list (or any list on this page) comprehensive.
The miraculous healings as a kid.
I did not go to health professionals as a child and teen . There is one injury in particular that I believe healed miraculously. I ran down a long flight of exit stairs, and decided to jump over the last 6 stairs to the ground. Didn’t stick the landing and really messed up my left knee very bad.
I suffered on that knee for three months. In tears several times a week, choosing to be immobile when I could due to knee pain. In a particularly dark moment I realized if I could not walk on the leg, I would not be able to march in marching band which started in three weeks. In particular, I accepted the previously undesirable outcome of “playing in the pit”.
The “injured” leg went from inflexible hobbling to marching 180 beats per minute in three weeks. The speed and quality of physical recovery without medical supervision is the amazing part. I find the time of recovery correlated with the acceptance of the injury as guiding my band career. When I accepted it, the injury became a non-issue and I ended up not having to make the decision I didn’t want.
I received a vision where I was shown a short clip and content of a man’s life. It was intimated to me that this man lived in the Pacific northwest, had an hourly wage position, and more facts about the man. I also received the view from within his kitchen, and a scene where he was crying at his kitchen table. I saw him in third person while a spirit guide asked me to watch. That moment moved me so much I named it “The Revelation” after it happened.
From that moment on I knew something like “minds are joined”. And I was beginning to understand concept of internal spiritual guidance.
Imagine my surprise when I met the guy 5 years later. I never brought up the scene I “saw of him”. There were enough striking similarities between the men that I took the hint to pay attention to the embodied man I met. He was a good manager. A lesson I learned from him was about hard work and bootstraps.
The moment I found out my mom died, I felt a very perceptible searing feeling in the right side of my chest. As if someone took a burning blade and cut my “right heart” down the middle. The feeling felt visceral but could not have had a physical cause; (nor a real reason to be of such a specific location and quality). Experience of the subtle body.
Whenever I’m having a bad night, I can always spot a shooting star. Good nights too, but on bad nights, I can look up and spot a shooting star. There was one night in this time period when I was having a night and I thought “Well, at least there will be a shooting star,” and looked up and saw a shooting star.
(approx. around this time I met man from The Revelation)
(approx. around this time I get ACIM text)
The change of heart.
Working with an inordinately obstinate person – inordinately obstinate: this person’s refusals did not make any sense reasonably at all.
My roommate and my cars had been towed out of the parking lot of our building. We paid to get the cars out and were at the management building to request new displayable parking permits because we heard new residents were getting new permits.
The woman, our landlord, had approx. 4 talking opportunities in the conversation and shed made three things clear: she had had a negative day, her company was not at fault for our cars being towed, and she was not going to be giving us new stickers. That last one was the kicker for me. I wasn’t going to leave without a sticker.
While my roommate spoke to the woman, I had time to think, (addressing God): “What is this?” The next moment, the conversation quieted. I was the first to speak: “We moved in three years ago.” The landlord’s demeanor melted away immediately.
Without saying a word, she went into a back office and came back with two new parking permits. We said thanks and headed out.
“It’s already been done.”
Feeling particularly muddy headed on a software development problem – a user input form with complex logic. A task that I thought was going to take a couple of hours was dragging on and on with no end in sight, a new problem would crop up as soon as one was solved.
In a moment of internal rage, I thought the phrase “I bet this is the part that breaks on demo day” (the day we show the client). The next thought perceptibly in my mind came as if directed to me, a thought from another: “It’s already been done.”
The meaning I got from these words: The form was going to break, certainly. The odd quality of thought made me pause and reflect before moving on. When I got back to the software, the situation, although the same, was perceived as simpler because my negative mood was cleared by the confusion.
The night before demo day, I walked-through the site. Everything was fine. The next morning, 30 minutes before demo, I walked-through the site again.
The form threw an error and broke. Exactly the type of error I was working with when I had the earlier outburst. It “had been done.” I was furious.
I began typing in chat to my team (we were remote). My fingers were flying typing in words like “it’s demo day, why make such late changes”, “how could this have happened?”, “who approved this change”. Then I heard an audible *pop* in my head. And all the furious noise was quieted. It occurred to me: I can investigate and potentially fix the problem within 30 minutes, if not, I could definitely rollback the website to a previously working state, and most incredibly somehow I knew days before that this event was going to happen. I erased the angry messages, informed the team of the bug, and had it patched within 15 minutes.
While reading this section (two frames) of ACIM, I had a feeling. It came out of no where and was overwhelmingly good. I call this sensation a love wave now.
The Oddly Perfect
I made a list of ideal qualities of a workplace for my first job as a software dev. Got that exact workplace I wanted in Austin, TX. I was out of money when applying for apartments near my first software job. I thought I was; my tax return landed in my account within days of needing to put down a deposit. I got raises without asking, though I can see they were deserved. In 2.5 years on the job in Austin, my pay increased 68% in total. I turned down a job offer that would have brought that total to 79%, and didn’t even mention the higher offer to my then current employer who maybe would have beat the offer.
When I moved to Denver after Austin, life situations were oddly perfect. Other than CoRoNaViRuS wreaking havoc globally, nationally, and locally, my life was serene, learning oriented, and creative. It may not have seemed perfect at all times, but it was more perfect than I could have imagined.
The Black Truck
I was running late to work one morning. Traffic to work normally was creepingly slow, traffic to work when running late was essentially a standstill.
I was in a terrible mood. In fact, while stuck in slow traffic I realized I’d forgotten my laptop (my work tool) at my apartment, so I had to return home and then and get back on the highway in even later traffic. The second time heading to work I was all grumbles and considering returning home and working from home for the day.
Then I saw it: OMG 😍. I can’t even articulate what exactly about it caught my eye. At first it was only a glimpse: black sheen and chrome. Just the glimpse was enough for me to disregard a traffic rule or two to end up in the lane beside it.
It was to most beautiful truck I had ever seen. There was no real reason for me to feel the way I did about the truck. Other than the chrome trim and wax job it was a fairly nondescript mid-sized pick up. (it was a lot like the scene from Parks and Rec with Tom and the abstract painting).
Something imperceptible drew me to the truck, then I saw it: in chrome lettering Chevrolet Colorado. Denver had been my dream city to move to since my high school days. I was intimated to me that the truck symbolized Colorado and my love I felt was the love I would feel there. I decided that day to prepare for the move. I was in Denver within a year. The miracle: directional feelings.
The Awakening: the view outside perception.
I was really very sick with some type of food poisoning. After spending the afternoon curled on the bathroom floor, I relocated to the bed and tried to calm myself to sleep.
Then my awareness was pulled away from perception.
There was the world that I had previously identified as 100% of all that could be, and also there was MORE.
It was as if I was a sticker peeled away from a surface I’d been stuck to, in the process being moved through and into a previously not experienced dimension. All the world of perception became “flattened” in my vision and it’s unreality and the reality of MORE were abundantly apparent.
A voice said in my head 6 times “There is literally nothing to be afraid of.” And after the sixth time, I actually mentally relaxed a bit and appreciated the view. Memory of that moment of deep understanding faded over time. I knew what I’d seen and attributed it to my studies in ACIM. I started the ACIM workbook after this event.
(Eckhart Tolle describes a similar experience as his “view of more” and the start of his spiritual career.)
There are too many here. Life is simply familiar much of the time when I am “on” or in forgiveness. Déjà vu, deja reve.
It’s small things like walking into a hotel room, being about to turn on a light and feeling the phrase “This light doesn’t work”, then pressing the light’s button and it not working. Also, in conversations, sometimes it feels that I’ve already had it before and the words write themselves. I think this may be a function of moving with intuition.
(Edit (months layer): familiar convos and life scenes are simply life now. Not 100% of ALL times but approx 90% of one-on-one conversations and outbound tweets.)
The broken button ⭐
God fixed a button on my coat weeks after The Awakening (see above ☝). I’d bought a new coat for my first Denver winter. I picked one that I thought was of good quality, and indeed it kept someone who was acclimated to Austin TX weather more than toasty.
A button on the coat broke; the bottom most lapel clasp. The fabric of the coat tore away from the metal of the coat, and I was devastated.
I had some insecurities about quality clothing and wearing torn clothes. I seriously had anxiety about being viewed poorly wearing the coat outside even to walk my dog. All over a fabric tear smaller than a penny and, moreso, hidden from view when the coat was in use. I realized that ridiculousness and that the coat had incredible utility as a life saving measure and, for all intents and purposes as a coat and not a measure of societal standing, was a perfect coat.
I thought all that and felt a surge of love as I clasped the “broken button” and headed out for the day.
The next day when I put on the coat the button was fixed.
Those were the miracles I experienced that led me to belief in ACIM and beginning the ACIM Workbook. The terminology, guidance, and “course” of the Workbook is what led to my conviction. One example from while taking the workbook:
knee pain to joy
One miracle from the “course” of the Workbook: Healed knee pain. The day “I choose the joy of God instead of pain” was probably my most stressful while I was in the workbook. It was my first day sleeping in my car, and I hadn’t worked out arrangements yet. About twice an hour at night, I would bang my knee against hard metal, bruise-worthy stings. I was in such bad shape that night, defeated and exhausted, I would repeat the phrase “I choose the joy of G instead of pain.” And the bruise-worthy stings would dissipate.
My journey through the workbook was a journey of understanding how the radical truths it epouses are true indeed. The moment you learn a radical truth is true, a miracle must have occurred. So for every one I/you learn/will learn, it’s an expressed miracle.
You can join me in talking about these and your own experiences at my A Course in Miracles social network Studygroup for ACIM. The Studygroup for ACIM social network is for ACIM students to join in talking about the One Self we share. And the selves we don’t share. It’s a place to practice communication of these subjects that can get a little toasty.
(this toast, probably)(burnt toast)(🔥🍞)
Actual A Course in Miracles:
How I consumed the course with the caveat that I am still reading daily as of late April 2021.
Text only first. Finish in 5 months. Restart Text.
2.5 years later and within ch. 8, strong miracle occurs (Awakening). I begin Workbook.
Same time period I began Workbook, I read Manual. I listened to the Manual twice through on road trips.
I finished Text second time within 6 months of starting Workbook. Restart the Text, Urtext this time.
Finish Workbook. Restart the workbook.
I read the manual whenever these days.
- alex brady